Just Grin and Bear It


Hey, Ed! I’m back and hibernation is over! How about a grub steak? I’ll take mine rare and plenty of juices. I’m as hungry as a bear. Hey Ed, do you hear me? Stop hiding under the bed.

Ed? Brownie was here yesterday. I’m here for my honey and you can send her out anytime. No that’s not me growling it’s just my stomach.

What If Cabins Could Talk?


“Ah, camp season is about to begin at good o’le Camp Martin Johnson and then all those wonderful kids will be keeping company with me. Wait a minute? What about all that gum they coat me with? Oh well, you have to take the good with the bad.

Sometimes you can hear the wail of a homesick lad that keeps me up during all hours of the night. Then there is all that laughter from the kids cracking each other up with jokes and the like. Sometimes I think I’m more fitted to be a dressing room as they get ready for morning swim.

Ah, the aroma of home made cookies that one of the lads received from home just permeates my air. The sad thing about being a cabin in the woods is that these boys and girls are only here for two months out of the year and the rest of the time I get to spend quite alone. Who says being a cabin isn’t all grand?”

Fishing Advice From A Perch


This is the lake, Big Bass Lake near Irons, Michigan.  I was working the day shift and my partner was Billy Bass.  My name is Paul Perch and my wife’s name is Madge. 

The churning waters above were created by all those morons in those big boats.  They create more wakes than any funeral home in Michigan.  What’s that?  Oh, some kids that have been camping nearby are trying their luck to tempt me again.  They’ll have to do better than worms.  Yes, they may contain protein but I prefer to get my protein from peanut butter on a hook.  Or maybe even cheese if I’m lucky.  To get cheese you have to live in a Wisconsin lake. 

You know what my eyes take in underwater is better than any television set.  One of those kids has stuck their foot into the water again.  I thought there was a law against pollution?  Those little toes make for very tasty appetizers if you know what I mean.  But if either Billy Bass or I try that those humans let out a blood curdling scream along with a lot of profanity.  And my ears are sensitive to that sort of thing.

Kids don’t have a lot of patience for fishing thank Neptune’s Trident. But if  can just sneak a nibble or two of that peanut butter without getting caught its worth the risk.  Hmm.  Good stuff!  Oh, by the way, the names were not mentioned of those kids to protect their innocence.  Now where have I heard that before?

The Bandit and The Boys


Well, here they come for another summer and to interrupt my privacy for about ten days.  I’m usually the lord and master of this area except for when they’re here.  That big leader of those moppets is huge and as for those kids, some of their hair would make a great place for me to dwell. 

One of the bright spots of their coming is that they always leave some food out for me due to their carelessness.  If I didn’t get it one of those menacing squirrels might so I’m always johnny quick to the spot.  And why don’t they dwell in these trees as I do instead of those canvas sweatboxes they find themselves in?  Humans are sure a curiosity. 

These moppets tend to stay up late instead of going to bed at a decent hour.  How’s a bandit to make a decent living at those hours?  I’m at a loss as to why those moppets shed their skins to go swimming and then put them right back on again?  Humans are a caution! 

Well, I suppose that I can endure ten days just so long as they don’t overstay their welcome.  I just can’t stomach interlopers on my territory.  I do get a pretty good look at those moppets from this tree though.  And, I could tell you stories about the whoppers they tell!  Do they ever stretch the truth about ghosts being out on that island.  Haunted my bandit eyes! 

Oh, well, if I can endure chipmunks I can endure anything including these moppets.  I just hope they leave a feast for me tonight.  One thing is certain and that is I sure put on the pounds whenever they come here to visit me.  I think I’ll get me some shuteye for now.  Night all!

The Great Counselor vs Kids ULBC Camp Softball Game


It was time for that great old tradition, the softball game between the counselors and the kids.  Our own pride of the Canadian army, Gordie Payne, was greeted prior to the start of the game by the Canadian National Anthem.  Undaunted he strode to the plate and hit a prestigious deep drive- About ten feet behind home plate for the first out of the game.    He later contributed two singles to the cause thus keeping his honor intact.  I myself hit a long drive that even now has yet to hit the ground. There are some that speculate that the ball came down in Weston Vermont.

The game was called after seven innings due to the ten run rule as the counselors surged past the kids by a score of 22-4.  The Tent Counselors put on quite a show in this game as Gordie and Bob caught several difficult catches during the game.  I made an error when I dropped a fly ball but my hitting made up for my defensive lapses.  Gordie caught two rather difficult flies and later kept them in a bottle back at the tents.  He even conducted a ceremony for his sacrifice flies. 

Gordie was one of the best players overall in te game and was very gracious to the boys following the game handing out autographs to them.  He only charged them a quarter for his signature.  Bob and I stood in awe at his accomplishments during and after the game as we had a true hero back at the tents.  Yes, Gordie, you were most worhy of that national anthem in your name.

Neon Sign Advertising by Little Buck


Whoa there, Bambi, you’re sticking out like a sore thumb. Human talk, you know, cause if you stay around them long enough you’re gonna pick up their lingo.  We might as well be carrying a neon sign tonight.  At least we ought to give those hunters some sort of challenge.

Say, maybe it’ll snow tonight and then we’d fit right in?  But tonight a hunter would have to be blind to miss us.  And, don’t be tail gating me Bambi.  I don’t like to be crowded especially during hunting season.  A fella needs some space to move around in especially if we hear a rifle shot. 

And no salt blocks tonight either.  I know you’re hooked on that stuff but they don’t need no salt block to see us.  Hey, maybe we could roll around in some mud down by the creek?  Or we could paint each other saying, Protected Species List.  Maybe even write out, “Eat at Na-Tah-Ka”.  Nah, cause they might take that literally and then they’ d be having supper with us as their main course!

You know the only logical thing we can do is to pray for snow.  Or that their guns might misfire?  I just hope that Big Buck ain’t out hunting Little Buck tonight.  You know I think that mud idea is the best so let’s set out for that creek and forget that salt block,Bambi, as that would be hazardous to your health tonight believe you me!

Flying Saucer Buzzes Big Bass Lake


Someone had informed me that a UFO float was seen at last summer’s Big Bass Lake Boat Parade but I would take it that this is not it! Why would a flying saucer be buzzing Big Bass Lake? Could it be interested in the old Big Bass Lake store? Or the public landing? Maybe someone had too much to drink at Nah-Ta-Ka?

Perhaps they’re trying to hide themselves in the depths of Big Bass Lake? They would be better served to then try the deeper Little Bass Lake. Or maybe someone just had too much chili the night before and thought they saw a UFO?

Now, to be fair, maybe the inhabitants of the saucer just wanted to have some fun in one of the best lakes ever? Can you imagine water skiing behind that UFO? You know what I think? I think this was just someone’s idea of a good dream. Or maybe someone was shooting the pilot of a network television program? I just hope they weren’t taking potshots at the pilot of this UFO. Or has Big Bass Lake finally joined “The Outer Limits”?

Michigan is Theologically Accurate- Hell and Paradise


In Michigan’s lower peninsula, the town of Hell is found. There is a sign in Hell that tells you that the only church located there can be found in this small community which should be a conversation piece for members of that body. Then, of course, as Michigan follows the path of biblical accuracy, Paradise is found in the upper peninsula.

I would daresay that Paradise is always somewhat cooler than Hell which is another distinction between the two towns. I also believe that there are presently more people in Paradise over that of Hell. Yet, in Michigan, Hell does freeze over at various times during the year. I have visited each community over the past year and I must say that Paradise has much more to offer over that of Hell. In fact, you might say that you would have a “devil” of a time trying to do much of anything in that hamlet. Of course there would be the conversation about why anyone would have named that town Hell. Maybe the town founder was Lucy Fir?

The Camp Sauble Squirrel Speaks!


A few years ago, I was gathering in some nuts for the winter when a station wagon pulled into Camp Sauble near Free Soil,  Michigan,  and I saw two parents and two twin boys.  A parent asked one of the men that approachd their vehicle if  their twin boys could attend this woodland camp for two weeks.  The man in question told the parent that this particular camp was a prison and not a resident summer camp.

The surprised parent thought for a moment before responding, “How about four weeks then?”

Presently, I am about the only resident of this facility but I understand that the “Camp” has been sold to the nearby town of Free Soil.  For what, I am not sure?  Perhaps it might soon become a home for wayward squirrels?   After all, nuts never fall very far from the trees, you know?

Two Heads Are Better Than One


For desperate housewives, like myself, on a remote beach two heads are always better than one! Unlike men, women need this advantage a time or two. This one in particular lends itself to a woman what with its intrinsic beauty not to mention functionality. Would curtains be an improvement?

The property Mike and I own near Scottville has an old out house on it but nowhere as attractive as this one. My home has flush commodes and our outhouse is not only out of date uut out of use as well. By the way if anyone is looking to adorn their property with an outhouse, you can buy ours for a song. Takers?

Where the Hell is Sauble, Michigan? by Fess Up Barker


Howdy human people from Fess Up Barker. My coon skin body has been up and down these parts looking for a place called Sauble, MI. A human counterpart by the name of Mike will be giving you his take on that same search come May right here on this website. Critters first!

I first came upon the Big Sauble and followed it for a spell.  That’s a river to you human folks.  I found neither hide nor hare of any human community but did find a passel of hare’s.  That’s bunny rabbits to you folks.  There my be a foreign language barrier to some of my speech. 

Some time back I did hanker upon a place called Ward Hills and saw some humans behave really weird by taking over their shirts in the dead of winter to ride some board down a hill.  That is the real animal world people!

Now I been to Hell and back but that was a place called Hell, MI, not the hot place if you catch my drift?  I located some T-shirts with sayings like, “I left my heart in Sauble, Mi”, and they must have left their compass to cause nobody seems to know where this place is!  Or, “I’d rather be in Sauble, Michigan”, but why?  My hole in this tree makes more sense than that! 

I caught a few fish in the Big Sauble yesterday so was I then in this mythical Sauble, Michigan?  Maybe its at the bottom of the river?  Kind of like Atlantis?  If you ask me only a knothead would live in that burg.  I’ll tell you this that I sure see a lot of strange behavior coming from this hole of mine and it ain’t from the critter world neither.  I saw two human guys smooching the other day.  I ain’t about to smooch with any male raccoon.  Not with all my babes craving their hearts out for me. 

I also wonder why human folks like to wear my tail on their heads?  And why not a skunk cause they good make good use out of that tail.  Hey maybe a skunk evacuated Sauble, Michigan, when he turned up his tail toward that place one night? 

I even saw a joker by the name of Nick Horner put on some sort of mask to sleep one night and he scared a whole campsite away when he woke up for a stroll.  When he finally took that mask off he scared me half to death with his real face.  I guess that’s why he wears that mask?

Well, I’ll continue to search for this elusive Sauble, Michigan, but when I find it then what?  Maybe Tin Cup, Indiana? 

Bustling Peacock


I wonder what Ed Hawks is doing in Peacock? Probably here to watch the Detroit Lions. At least it’s nearly in the middle of nowhere so if they lose not many people will know. Peacock used to be a bustling City. Well, maybe calling it a city is a bit of a stretch. How about a town? I wonder what they did for fun in Peacock? Maybe they went down to McCarty Creek and skipped stones? Or maybe they had a sarsaparilla at the place you see in this picture? I wonder if anyone sold peacocks in Peacock? That would figure to make sense. Anyone grow up in Peacock?