Fishing Advice From A Perch

This is the lake, Big Bass Lake near Irons, Michigan.  I was working the day shift and my partner was Billy Bass.  My name is Paul Perch and my wife’s name is Madge. 

The churning waters above were created by all those morons in those big boats.  They create more wakes than any funeral home in Michigan.  What’s that?  Oh, some kids that have been camping nearby are trying their luck to tempt me again.  They’ll have to do better than worms.  Yes, they may contain protein but I prefer to get my protein from peanut butter on a hook.  Or maybe even cheese if I’m lucky.  To get cheese you have to live in a Wisconsin lake. 

You know what my eyes take in underwater is better than any television set.  One of those kids has stuck their foot into the water again.  I thought there was a law against pollution?  Those little toes make for very tasty appetizers if you know what I mean.  But if either Billy Bass or I try that those humans let out a blood curdling scream along with a lot of profanity.  And my ears are sensitive to that sort of thing.

Kids don’t have a lot of patience for fishing thank Neptune’s Trident. But if  can just sneak a nibble or two of that peanut butter without getting caught its worth the risk.  Hmm.  Good stuff!  Oh, by the way, the names were not mentioned of those kids to protect their innocence.  Now where have I heard that before?

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